Lol..

haha! but the life is so much more funny with an pervert mind! ;D

A man joins a nudist colony, takes off his clothes and starts
wandering around. A 6 foot blond walks by him; the man gets a hard-on.

Blond: "Sir, did you call for me?"
New Man: "No, I just got here."
Blond: "You must be new here, it's a rule when I give you a hard-on,it implies you
called for me." The blond lays down and lets the man have his way with her.
The man gets up happy, enters the sauna, sits down, and farts. A huge
man comes toward him.

Huge Man: "Sir, did you call for me?"
New Man: "No, I just got here."
Huge Man: You must be new here, it is a rule when you fart, it implies
you called for me."
The huge man turns him around and sodomizes him.
The new man rushes back to the receptionist...
New Man: "Here is your card and key back. You can keep the $500."
Receptionist: "But Sir, you only saw 1% of our facilities...."
New Man: (Rudely interrupting) "Listen lady, I am 45 years old, I get
a hard-on once a month, but I fart 15 times a day. No thanks."

Declaration: General Motors doesn't have a helpline for people who don't know how to drive.

Why: Because people don't buy cars like they buy computers. But just imagine if they
did...


HELPLINE:
"General Motors helpline, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER:
"I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened."
HELPLINE:
"Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"
CUSTOMER:
"What's an ignition?"
HELPLINE:
"It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns
over the engine."
CUSTOMER:
"Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all
these technical terms to use my car?"

Dave's wife decides he deserves a special present for his birthday, so she takes him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave, how ya doing?"
The wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh no," says Dave. "He works out at the gym with me."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual Budweiser.
The wife is now becoming uncomfortable and says, "You must come here a lot for that woman to know you drink Budweiser"."No, honey, she's in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them."
A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Dave. "Hi Davey," she says, "Want your usual table dance?"The wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Dave follows and spots his wife getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, Dave jumps in beside her. Right away she starts screaming at him.
The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave."

A mother had three daughters and at their weddings she asked each one of them to phone home the day after and subtly indicate about their\par respective husband's sexual performance. The first one said, "It was like Maxwell Coffee". The Mother was\par confused until she later noticed a Maxwell Coffee add which said: "SATISFACTION TO THE LAST DROP...". Then the second daughter got married and phoned home and whispered: "Rothmans". So the Mother looks for a Rothmans add, and it said: "LIVE LIFE, KING SIZE". And the mother was pleased. Then it was the third one's wedding. After a week she phoned but could only mumble: "BRITISH AIRWAYS". The mother frantically went through the newspaper looking for a British Airways add. "Oh-my-god!" she cried. "FOUR TIMES A DAY, SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, BOTH WAYS".

3 survivors
There was a cruise ship that was going through some rough waters that ended up sinking just off the coast of a small abandoned island. There where only 3 survivors: 2 guys and a girl. They lived there for a couple of years doing what was natural for men and women. \par After several years of casual sex all the time, the girl felt really bad about what she had been doing. She felt having sex with both guys was so bad that she killed herself. It was very tragic but the two guys managed to get through it.\par Well a couple more years went by and the guys began to feel absolutely horrible about what they where doing. So.......... They buried her.


A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he
does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll
forgive me." She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."

A guy is having a drink in a very dark bar. He leans over to the big woman next to him and says, "Do you wanna hear a funny blonde joke?" The big woman
replies, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm blonde, six feet tall, 210 lb., and I'm a professional triathlete and bodybuilder. The blonde
woman sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 220 lb., and she's an ex-professional wrestler. Next to her is a blonde who's 6'5", weighs 250 lb., and she's a current
professional kick boxer. Now, do you still want to tell that blonde joke?" The guy thinks about it a second and says, "No, not if I'm going to have to explain it
three times".

There were two guys sitting in a bar, and one of them was worried about going home because his wife was going to be mad. The other guy told him not to worry and outlined his "never fail" plan. You go home, slip off your clothes, slip into bed, and perform oral sex on your wife. Then you get up and go to the bathroom and then slip back in bed. She'll think that you have been there all night
So the guy goes home and does exactly what his buddy said. He slips off his clothes, climbs into bed and performs oral sex, and when he's done, he gets up and goes into the bathroom to wash up.
To his surprise, there's his wife sitting on the toilet.
He says" WHAT THE HELL!!!" and she says "SHHHH be quiet....
Mom's spending the night......."

Theres a mexican, a black guy and a white guy walked on a beach and they found a lamp and rubbed it a ginie comes out and say you alll have 1 wish
the mexican asks for all of his people to be happy and in mexico POOF all the mexicans are it mexico
the black guy asks for all of his people to be happy and back in africa POOF alle the black guys are in africa
the geenie finally goes up to the white guy and says what will your wish be
the white guy says you mean to tell me that all of the blacks and mexicans are out of the country
the geenie says of course that is what they wished for
so the white guy says then i guess i will have a coke then

My friend David had his ID stolen yesterday. We just call him Dav now

haha! i dunno how so dry jokes can be funny! Tomppeli xD

I know